Mother’s Last Days :: Personal Narrative Profile Essays

Mother’s Last Days Welcome to the Glenbrook Retirement Home. May I ask who you are visiting? Oh yes, you must be Mrs. Mitchell’s son. She talks about you so often. Right this way. Ignore the other patients peeking from behind their doors. Walk past them, down the long hallway. You are the outsider here. Don’t forget that; you are now the crazy one, not them. In this place, sanity is like a dream that you struggle to remember throughout the day. Scott, so nice to see you again. It’s been a while since your last visit. She asks about you every day. She’s just inside, go on in. How is she today doctor? Ask anyway, even though the answer never changes. Touch and go, really, no way to tell what will set her off. Honestly, she’s had better days. You don’t have to stay long. Just let her know you’re here and then you can be on your way. Open the door; that is the first step. Open it slowly, don’t frighten her. She is like a child, and you the careful parent. Try not to cringe as you walk into the small room that your mother now calls home. Try not to smell the musty odor that pervades everything. Try not to wonder what sort of purgatory you have confined her to. Who the hell do you think you are? Get out of my room! Doctor, doctor! Caress her hand as she whimpers. Stroke her wispy white hair and wonder why no one bothers to brush it anymore. It’s me, mom. It’s me. Deep breaths. Just start talking, that’s the only way to get through this visit. Tell her one more time who you are. Tell her one more time about her grandchildren, her grandchildren who are too afraid of her screaming fits to come with you anymore. Tell her about your job and your new house. Tell her all of these things so she can forget them again. Know that is all that she can do. I don’t know you. I’ve never seen you before. Away†¦get away from me. Tell her your name, tell her that you love her, that you’re here for her. Show her pictures of the kids, tell her about Lisa’s school play and Taylor’s soccer game. She was the star. He scored the winning goal. Stay for as long as you can this time, before saying, I really have to go now mother.

Our Town Analysis Essays -- essays research papers

Our Town is a play that takes place near the turn of the century in the small rural town of Grover’s Corners, New Hampshire. The playwright, Thornton Wilder is trying to convey the importance of the little, often unnoticed things in life. Throughout the first two acts he builds a scenario, which allows the third act to show that we as humans often run through life oblivious to what is actually happening. Wilder attempts to show life as something that we take for granted. We do not realize the true value of living until we are dead and gone. The through-line of the action seems to be attention to the details of life. Wilder builds up a plot that pays attention to great details of living. In the first act when Mrs. Gibbs and Mrs. Webb are stringing beans and passing the time, the reader continues on, not thinking that importance lies in the scene. As the play comes to an end, the reason for that scene becomes evident: the most trivial occurrence can be the most meaningful moment. We as humans, however, do not realize the greatness of these little points until it is too late. Near the end of the story, the deceased townspeople are stationed on chairs downstage, to imitate graves. They are still able to talk, yet only in a lackadaisical tone. They provide the audience, at the end, with a sense of guilt or loss. The fact that the people of Grover’s Corners did not realize the importance of life until it was gone, makes the audience feel as if they should be...

Business Decision Making Assiment Essay

You should sign this sheet to show that you comply with these regulations. Student’s Signature Date Acknowledgement I take this chance to thank Miss. M. PriyanthimalaWho helped me to improve and developed this particular project. She explained well about the project and sacrificed her most of the time to explain and also made sure that all the students understood. She was ready to help out in any time and gave her full support for this particular project. I finally would like to thank my parents, friends and others for helping to do this project. Thank you TASKS| PAGE NO| Task 01| 04| Task 02| 09| Task 03| 14| Task 04| 16| Task 05| 24| Task 06| 27| Task 07| 31| Task 08| 32| Task 09| 34| Task 10| 35| Task 11| 38| Task 12| 43| Task 13| 44| Task 14| 47| Task 15| 49| Reference | 51| Task 1 T 1. 1 Difference between a sample and a population Population| Sample| * Population is the area in which you are trying to get information from. * This meaning of population is also used in survey research, but this is only one of many possible definitions of population. Examples: Cedar Crest students; trees in North America; automobiles with four wheels; people who consume olive oil. | * Sample is a section of your population that you are actually going to survey. It is important to have a sample that will represent your entire population in order to minimize biases. Survey research is based on sampling, which involves getting information from only some members of the population. * Samples can be drawn in several different ways, such as probability samples, quota samples, purposive samples, and volunteer samples. Examples assuming the populations stated above: 47 Cedar Crest students chosen randomly; 8463 trees randomly selected in North America; 20 sample autos from each make (e. g. , GM, Ford, Toyota, Honda, etc. ); 1% of the oil consuming population per country| T 1. 2 Describe the advantages of sampling * Sampling  saves money  as it is much cheaper to  collect  the desired information from a small  sample  than from the whole population. * Sampling  saves a lot of time and energy as the needed data are collected and processed much faster than census information. And this is a very important consideration in all types of investigations or surveys. * Sampling  provides information that is almost as accurate as that obtained from a complete census; rather a properly designed and carefully executed  sample  survey will provide more accurate results. Moreover, owing to the reduced volume of work, persons of higher caliber and properly trained can be employed to analyze the data. * Sampling  makes it possible to obtain more detailed information from each unit of the  sample  as collecting data from a few units of the population (i. e. ample) can be more complete and thorough. * Sampling  is essential to obtaining the data when the measurement process  physically  damages or destroys the  sampling  unit under  investigation. For example, in order to measure the average lifetime of  light bulbs, the measurement process destroys the  sampling  units, i. e. the bulbs, as they are used until they burn out. A manufacturer will therefore use only a  sample  of  light bulbs  for this purpose and will not burn out all the bulbs produced. Similarly, the whole pot of soup cannot be tasted to determine if it has an acceptable flavor. Sampling  may be the only means available for obtaining the needed information when the population appears to be infinite or is inaccessible such as the population of mountainous or thickly forested areas. In such cases, taking $ complete census to  collect  data would neither be  physically  possible nor practically feasible. * Sampling  has much smaller â€Å"non-response†, following up of which is much easier. The term non-response means the no availability of information from some  sampling  units included in the  sample  for any reason such as failure to locate or measure some of the units, refusals, not-at-home, etc. Sampling  is extensively used to obtain some of the census information. * The most important advantage of   sampling  is that it provides a valid measure of reliability for the  sample  estimates  and this is one of the two basic purposes of  sampling. * Reliability: If we collect the information about all the units of population, the collected information may be true. But we are never sure about it. We do not know whether the information is true or is completely false. Thus we cannot say anything with confidence about the quality of information. We say that the reliability is not possible. This is a very important advantage of sampling. The inference about the population parameters is possible only when the sample data is collected from the selected sample. * Sometimes the experiments are done on sample basis. The fertilizers, the seeds and the medicines are initially tested on samples and if found useful, then they are applied on large scale. Most of the research work is done on the samples. * Sample data is also used to check the accuracy of the census data. T 1. 3 Difference between primary data and secondary data T1. 4 Difference between a statistic and a parameter Parameter is any characteristic of the population. Statistic on the other hand is a characteristic of the sample. Statistic is used to estimate the value of the parameter. Note that the value of statistic changes from one sample to the next which leads to a study of the sampling distribution of statistic. When we draw a sample from a population, it is just one of many samples that might have been drawn and, therefore, observations made on any one sample are likely to be different from the ‘true value’ in the population (although some will be the same). Imagine we were to draw an infinite (or very large) number of samples of individuals and calculate a statistic, say the arithmetic mean, on each one of these samples and that we then plotted the mean value obtained from each sample on a histogram (a chart using bars to represent the number of times a particular value occurred). This would represent the sampling distribution of the arithmetic mean. T1. 5 Define sampling errors with example? Sampling error is an error that occurs when using samples to make inferences about the populations from which they are drawn. There are two kinds of sampling error: random error and bias. Random error is a pattern of errors that tend to cancel one another out so that the overall result still accurately reflects the true value. Every sample design will generate a certain amount of random error. Bias, on the other hand, is more serious because the pattern of errors is loaded in one direction or another and therefore do not balance each other out, producing a true distortion. These are the errors which occur due to the nature of  sampling. The  sample  selected from the population is one of all possible samples. Any value calculated from the  sample  is based on the sample  data and is called  sample  statistic. Task 2 T2. 1 Advantages and disadvantages of arithmetic mean. Advantages * Fast and easy to calculate- As the most basic measure in statistics,  arithmetic average is very easy to calculate. For a small data set, you can calculate the arithmetic mean quickly in your head or on a piece of paper. In  computer programs  like Excel, the arithmetic average is always one of the most basic and best known functions. Here you can see the  basics of arithmetic average calculation. * Easy to work with and use in further analysis- Because its calculation is straightforward and its meaning known to everybody,  arithmetic average  is also more comfortable to  use as input to further analyses and calculations. When you work in a team of more people, the others will much more likely be familiar with  arithmetic average  than  geometric average  or  mode. Disadvantages * Sensitive to extreme values- Arithmetic average is extremely sensitive to extreme values. Therefore,  arithmetic average  is not the best measure to use with data sets containing a few extreme values  or with more  dispersed (volatile) data sets  in general. Median  can be a better alternative in such cases. * Not suitable for time series type of data- Arithmetic average  is perfect for measuring central tendency when you’re working with data sets of independent values taken at one point of time. There was an example of this in one of the previous articles, when we were  year. However, in finance you often work with percentage returns over a series of multiple time periods. For  calculating average percentage return over multiple periods of time,  arithmetic average is useless; as it fails to take the different basis in every year into consideration (100% equals a different price or portfolio value at the beginning of each year). The more volatile the returns are, the more significant this weakness of arithmetic average is. Here you can see the example and reason why  arithmetic average fails when measuring average percentage returns over time. * Works only when all values are equally important- Arithmetic average treats all the individual observations equally. In finance and investing, you often need to work with unequal weights. For example, you have a portfolio of stocks and it is highly unlikely that all stocks will have the same weight and therefore the same impact on the total performance of the portfolio. Calculating the average performance of the total portfolio or a basket of stocks is a typical case when  arithmetic average is not suitable  and it is better to use weighted average instead. You can find more details and an example here:  Why you need weighted average for calculating total portfolio return. T2. 2 Comparative picture of median, mode, mean The Median The Median is the ‘middle value’ in your list. When the totals of the list are odd, the median is the middle entry in the list after sorting the list into increasing order. When the totals of the list are even, the median is equal to the sum of the two middle (after sorting the list into increasing order) numbers divided by two. Thus, remember to line up your values, the middle number is the median! Be sure to remember the odd and even rule. That is, if the data is in meters, the standard deviation is in meters as well. The variance is in meters2, which is more difficult to interpret. Neither the standard deviation nor the variance is robust to outliers. A data value that is separate from the body of the data can increase the value of the statistics by an arbitrarily large amount. The mean  absolute deviation (MAD) is also sensitive to outliers. But the MAD does not move quite as much as the standard deviation or variance in response to bad data. The  interquartile range (IQR) is the difference between the 75th and 25th percentile of the data. Since only the middle 50% of the data affects this measure, it is robust to outliers. T3. 2 What are the different characteristics of the following measures of dispersion. The  range  is the simplest measure of  dispersion. The range can be thought of in two ways. 1. As a quantity: the difference between the highest and lowest scores in a distribution. 2. As an interval; the lowest and highest scores may be reported as the range. By far the most commonly used measures of dispersion in the social sciences are  variance  and  standard deviation. Variance  is the average squared difference of scores from the mean score of a distribution.

Literary Essay †Julius Caesar Essay

As humans, none of us are entirely good or entirely evil. It is the same with the characters in the play Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare. While many are portrayed as good or evil, none really are. This can be more easily explained through the characters Brutus, Marc Antony and Julius Caesar. From the very first mention of Brutus the audience is told that he is the most honorable man in Rome. This would persuade us to believe that he is a good character. From the beginning this is true, but not too far into the play, after some coaxing by Cassius, Brutus’ more evil side is revealed. He contributes to the plot of killing Caesar and says in Act II scene 1 line 10 â€Å"It must be by his death†¦Ã¢â‚¬  This alone is totally the opposite of what an honorable man would do. Nevertheless, he tries to redeem himself by adding in Act II scene 1 line 11-12 â€Å"I know no personal cause to spurn at him, but for the general.† So we are led to believe that â€Å"sacrificing† Caesar is and honorable thing being done for the Roman people not just a well organized murder. This is one example of how no one is entirely good. Next is Caesar’s right hand man, Marc Antony. He loved Caesar very much and was deeply saddened when Caesar was murdered. After this event, he persuades Brutus to let him speak at Caesar’s funeral as a friend. Act III scene 1 line 227-230 â€Å"And am moreover suitor that I may produce his body to the market place; and in the pulpit, as becomes a friend, speak in the order of his funeral† The real reason why Antony wanted to speak at the funeral was to let the people know that Brutus murdered Caesar for no good reason. He expresses his success in Act III scene 2 line 270-271 â€Å"Belike they has some notice of the people, how I had moved them.† Marc Antony never forgives Brutus and the other conspirators for murdering Caesar and even goes to war with them because of it. Antony fighting for his friend’s death shows that he is good. But he tricks the others which show’s some bad in him. The last case is a little different than the others. This last example exactly isn’t of complete good or evil. It just shows how no one is perfect. Caesar was to be the ruler of the Roman Empire. Everyone thought that he was the best person for the job. He was thought of as a god. Gods are perfect  and Caesar was far from it. In Act I scene 2 lines 111 Cassius tells Brutus stories of how weak Caesar is. â€Å"Caesar cried ‘help me, Cassius, or I sink.'† He continues by adding in lines 127-128 â€Å"Alas it cried, ‘give me some drink, Titinius,’ as a sick girl.† This shows how Caesar was not like any god even though that is what the people believed. The whole point of this essay was to show how even in plays that it is impossible to have someone who is entirely good or evil. It’s just too unrealistic. As humans, we all possess good and bad characteristics. They may not be balanced but there isn’t anyone who is totally good or evil.

Public versus private school education Essay

When it comes to the education systems, parents are usually faced with great tasks in choosing the best place for their children in line with the public and private education systems. Parents will basically look for a setting which will allow their children to thrive in their studies. May I start by affirming that the final decision of the parents is based the advantages that one system has over the other. Both the private and the public education systems have differing merits against one another. Many would prefer private education system due to a number of underlying factors and merits over the public school system. Most of the private schools have outstanding and rigorous academic performance and even though there are public schools that also have a tremendous performance in academics, some of these public schools still perform under the bar. Another prominent factor that we consider is the ability by the school to adequately prepare the child for college. Private schools surpass public schools in terms of college preparation this is because for a child to pass in the public schools will depend greatly on the geographical location of the schools unlike the private schools whose performance is commendable irrespective of the location. Another factor that puts the private schools at the par over the public schools is the number of the children per class or rather the entire school population. Naturally, the population in the private schools are quiet manageable than the population that is in the public schools. The public schools are faced with the challenge of admitting any student within the school vicinity and therefore they end up clogged thus making administration burdensome (Sargent, P, 1914). Unlike the private schools which generally has low admission and thus manageable class sizes. Another added advantage of the private education over public education basing on the class and school size is the individual attention that the students in private schools enjoy unlike their colleagues in public schools. Thirdly, the general school environment and the safety measures also dictates the school one attends or is taken to. Parents are greatly concerned with the security of their children and would prefer where the security is readily guaranteed. Since the private schools choose who they enroll their security level is quiet sure than that of the public schools although a good number of the public schools also have safe environments conducive enough for learning. The fact that most of the public schools are funded by the local property tax, their school budget usually becomes a political business thus most of the school activities are refrained as a result of this. There is limited room to respond to budgetary demands especially in areas where the voters live in poor communities with fixed amount of monthly income. However, the private schools are better placed to raise a substantial amount from the development activities and their strong allegiance with their alumni. They can also easily solicit funds from the founders and the corporations. The private schools are less restricted in their development of curricular because they are not subjects to the budgetary limitations imposed the state unlike the public schools. Both the administrators and the educators of the private and the public schools do work to ensure that they create the best learning environment as possible. Although there are good public schools but the best overall schools are usually the privately sponsored. Administrative support is another factor that draws the difference between the public and the private schools. The private are quiet advantaged in that they have a lean management structure since the expenditures comes from endowment income and the operating income. On the other hand, the public schools are characterized by the larger bureaucracy thus making major decisions is greatly hampered. The private schools rarely have or even need teachers unions unlike the public schools which have union contracts and also need political considerations. The facilities in the public schools are sometime mediocre because of the effects of political support and the economic revenues. They are also affected by the economic realities of the surroundings such the rich areas will have schools with best amenities whereas the poor surroundings will lack them Conversely the private schools have the ability to attract the endowments and other forms of financial support thus may have good amenities and facilities than even the universities (Sargent, P, 1914). In as much as one school may outweigh the other, there are still some other underlying factors that must be considered in choosing the best school. For instance the cost, most of the private are not affordable to all the parents thus is only affordable for the rich. Most of the public schools are located within the vicinity of the homes unlike the private which maybe far from home and some public schools offer transport to and from school whereas the private schools may or may not. Public schools offer general programs which are designed for all whereas the private schools have flexibility to create specialized programs such as outdoor tips after class session. At times the private schools create their own curriculum and assessment systems and thus put their students at the advantaged side when they do the standardized tests. The law requires that all public schools educate all children thus they accept any child regardless of race, economic status, religious affiliation or sex. The private schools are not so, they have no law as regards their admission and they have no required educational program for special needs. The enrollment is earned by merit on the grounds of academic performance. If a child becomes unruly the school decides to expel without any intervention from anywhere so also if a child fails to perform as required by the school he or she easily looses admission. Though not all, many private schools have religious affiliations whereas public schools are not affiliated to any religion. It is quiet clear that there is no overall rule as to which school is right and which one is wrong. For parents who are faced with choice of school, the best advice is to outweigh the factors which one considers as important and the settle for the school that meets those factors. Reference: Sargent, P. (1914). The Handbook of Private Schools: Survey of Independent Education

Inventory Management Essay

Companies must predict which products customers will purchase along with determining what quantity of goods will be purchased. The company will in turn produce enough products to meet the forecast demand and sell, or push, the goods to the consumer. Advantages : The company is fairly assured it will have enough product on hand to complete customer orders. This prevents the inability to meet customer demand for the product. Disadvantages : If too much product is left in inventory, it increases the company’s costs for storing these goods. An example of a push system is Materials Requirements Planning, or MRP. MRP combines the calculations for financial, operations and logistics planning. It is a computer-based information system which controls scheduling and ordering. Its purpose is to make sure raw goods and materials needed for production are available when they are needed. Pull System The pull inventory control system begins with a customer’s order. With this strategy, companies only make enough products to fulfil customer’s orders. Advantages : There will be no excess of inventory that needs to be stored, thus reducing inventory levels and the cost of carrying and storing goods. Disadvantages : It is highly possible to run into ordering dilemmas, such as a supplier not being able to get a shipment out on time. This leaves the company unable to fulfil the order and contributes to customer dissatisfaction. An example of a pull inventory control system is the just-in-time, or JIT system. The goal is to keep inventory levels to a minimum by only having enough inventory, not more or less, to meet customer demand. The JIT system eliminates waste by reducing the amount of storage space needed for inventory and the costs of storing goods. Push-Pull System Some companies have come up with a strategy they call the push-pull inventory control system, which combines the best of both the push and pull strategies. Push-pull is also known as lean inventory strategy. It demands a more accurate forecast of sales and adjusts inventory levels based upon actual sale of goods. The goal is stabilization of the supply chain and the reduction of product shortages which can cause customers to go elsewhere to make their purchases. With the push-pull inventory control system, planners use sophisticated systems to develop guidelines for addressing short – and long-term production needs . List atleast eight performance measures for warehouse management A warehouse is a commercial building for storage of goods. A warehouse management system, or WMS, is a key part of the supply chain and primarily aims to control the movement and storage of materials within a warehouse and process the associated transactions. The following activities are common in an y warehouse: a)Receiving b) Put-away c) Order picking d) Storage e) Shipping The eight performance measures for warehouse management are : 1. Service Level : Shipment Service Level (% of Lines shipped on time) Service Level (% of inbound lines put away within time limit) 2. Space: % of space occupied vs. % accessibility Warehouse capacity use rate % = No. of palets stored in warehouse / warehouse capacity in palets no. 3. Inventory: Inventory turnover ratio Inventory Accuracy 4. Productivity: Productivity (Measured in terms of lines picked per hour worked) Number of SKUs picked per hour 5. Quality: Quality in terms of errors per thousand lines shipped. Errors in dispatches Ware housing discrepancies = Products lost value (at cost) / total products shipped value (at cost) 6. Cost: Cost of warehouse operations Storage cost per item Cost of picking per order Cost of shipping per order 7. Cycle Time: Time taken to process a receipt. Time taken for each put-away. Inventory days on hand. Order Pick cycle time per order. Shipping time 8. Utilization: Receiving Dock door utilization % Utilization % of labour and equipment % Location and cube occupied Picking labour and equipment utilization % Utilization of shipping docks in % . What features would make an ideal supplier? Timely delivery: A good supplier is someone who keeps up to timely delivery of goods and supplies. Delayed supplies leads to business losses to the immediate customer and in turn delayed delivery to the end customer. This also opens up avenues for other secondary systems like buffer inventories to keep the chain going in addition to increasing overall costs. Competitive price: Business owners and suppliers add the cost of purchasing materials for a product into its retail price making it costlier. A reduction in this cost will lead to a reduction in the cost of the product as well. Quality: Quality is a very important aspect in determining a good supplier. Providing ultimate customer value is an important objective of business. Minimal paper work: From the placing of an order to the actual buying of an order involves a ton of paper work. A good supplier will find ways of reducing the amount of paper work involved. Quick response/ turn around time: The world of business is highly unstable, and often the gap between demand and supply can be hard to predict. A good supplier will always be prepared to meet such a contingency. Again a frequent and smaller quantity of supplies is the key to eliminating this gap. Inspection of goods: Inspection of goods is a time consuming activity for both the supplier and the buyer. However quality assurance of the goods can again reduce the time spent on inspecting the goods. Taking care of wear and tear and transport damage: Transportation and delivery often involves a lot of wear and tear and a good supplier is someone who recognizes these limitations and takes proactive steps to help reduce or avoid the damage involved. Constant frequency of delivery: If a supplier can keep to supplying goods at constant and smaller frequencies, then the cost advantage is supplemented. Meaning, if a product or part is found to be defective, then the time spent in replacing it is minimal as opposed to having to replace a whole carton or shipment of that item since the delivery is frequent and the supply chain is actively functioning. This is not only cost effective but is also a time and space saver.

The Secret of Ella and Micha Chapter 8

Ella I realize I have more issues than I thought. As soon as we turn onto the Back Road, a passion combusts inside me. It only flames hotter when we pull up to The Hitch, an old abandoned restaurant stationed at the end of the road. It's the perfect set up for street racing, with a long straight road tucked between the lofty trees on the mountains. The sky is black, the moon bright, but there are clouds rolling in. I cringe, thinking of the night on the bridge. We'd been racing before I'd gone there. Micha gets a text message right as we brink the end of the road. He pulls the car to the side, maneuvering carefully across the pot holes. He pushes the parking brake in and checks his phone, shutting it off, and looking torn up. â€Å"What's wrong?† I ask. â€Å"You look upset?† â€Å"Nothing's wrong. Everything's great.† He's lying, but how can I press him to tell the truth when I'm a liar too? â€Å"So this is your surprise?† I will my voice to sound disappointed, but it comes out pleased. Micha gives me a sidelong glance. â€Å"Don't smile, pretty girl. It'll ruin your whole I'm-neutral-and-don't-give-a-shit act.† I opt to remain impartial. â€Å"Who are you planning to race tonight?† â€Å"You mean who are we racing?† He smiles alluringly through the dark cab of the car. â€Å"Well, I thought I'd leave that up to you.† In front of the trees is a line of cars with their headlights on and their owners standing near the front. They're a rough crowd, mostly guys except for Shelia, a big girl with arms thicker than my legs. She's the only girl I've ever truly feared. â€Å"Well, there's Mikey.† I rub my forehead with the back of my hand. â€Å"Does he still got that piece of crap 6 cylinder in his Camaro?† â€Å"Yeah, he does.† Micha leans back in the seat, examining me amusedly through the dark. â€Å"You think that's who I should go for?† â€Å"It's the obvious choice.† I don't like where my thoughts are heading, but I can't shut off my basic instinct. I've always been a hanging-out-with-the-guys kind of girl and therefor there is an abundance of knowledge about cars stashed away in my head. Lila is the first girl I've been friends with. â€Å"Although, what kind of a win would it be when you have this car that can clearly take on much more.† â€Å"You think I should take on someone in my own league?† â€Å"If you want the win to mean anything, then yeah.† We look at each other, like magnets begging to get closer. Yet flip one the wrong direction and they will push apart. â€Å"So which one is it, pretty girl?† He drapes an arm over the headrest behind me and his fingers brush my shoulder. â€Å"The underdog or the big dog.† There's a dare in the air, teasing the real me to come out tonight. I want to give in, just for a few hours, and let my inner ropes untie. I want to allow myself to breathe again, but I fear the loss of control – I fear I'll have to feel everything, including my guilt. â€Å"Micha, I think we should go back.† I put my seatbelt back on. â€Å"This isn't my thing anymore.† He presses his lips together firmly. â€Å"Please can we have a night? Just you and I. I really need this right now.† I pick up on his strange vibe and the sorrow in his eyes. â€Å"Okay, what's wrong? You've seemed a little out of it. Was it bad news on that text you got?† He traces the figure eight tattoo on his forearm. â€Å"Do you remember when I got this?† I absentmindedly touch my lower back. â€Å"How could I forget, since I have the same one on my back?† â€Å"Do you remember why we got them?† â€Å"I can't remember anything about that night.† â€Å"Exactly, yet you'll remember it forever. No matter what happens, which is completely ironic.† He lets his finger linger on the tattoo that represents eternity. â€Å"There's something bugging you.† I tug the bottom of my shirt down to cover up my tattoo. â€Å"Do you want to talk about it?† He shakes his head, still focused on the tattoo. â€Å"Nah, I'm good.† To distract him from his thoughts, I point my finger at a smokin' hot 1970 Pontiac GTO, blue with white racing stripes. â€Å"What about Benny? Does he still have the 455?† Micha's eyes are pools of black liquid. â€Å"You think we should take on the big dog?† â€Å"I think you should take on the big dog,† I clarify. â€Å"I'll just watch you kick his ass.† His expression darkens. â€Å"No way. I'm not racing unless you're in the car with me. It's tradition.† A starvation inside me emerges. â€Å"Alright, I'll ride with you, just as long as you do one thing for me?† â€Å"Say it and it's yours,† he says without blinking. My hunger urges me closer to him. I prop my elbows on the console, and my arms are trembling. He doesn't move, frozen like a statue as I put my lips next to his ear. â€Å"Make sure you win,† I breathe and my body arches into him on its own accord, before I sit back in the seat. His face is indecipherable, his breathing fierce, his gaze relentless. â€Å"Okay, then. Let's go win us a race.† We climb out of the car and hike across the dirt road toward the row of cars and their owners. I shield my eyes from the headlights and wrap an arm around myself, knowing these guys are going to give me crap for how I'm dressed. Micha swings his arm around me protectively. â€Å"Relax. I got you baby.† â€Å"Well, what do we have here?† Mikey, the owner of the Camaro, strides up to us. He's got black hair, a kink in his nose, and his thick neck is enclosed with a barb-wire tattoo. â€Å"Is the infamous duo back again to get their asses kicked?† I roll my eyes. â€Å"You beat us once and that was by default due to a flat tire.† His face pinches as he takes in my shirt, tank top, and curled hair. â€Å"What the fuck happened to you?† Chandra, his girlfriend, sputters a laugh. Her dress is so tight that her curves bulge out of it and her stilettoes make her almost the same height as me. â€Å"Holy shit, she like turned into a little princess or something.† Micha squeezes my shoulder, trying to keep me calm. â€Å"So who's up first? Or has no one decided yet.† Mikey eyes Micha's Chevelle and there's a nervous look in his eyes. â€Å"You think you can just walk in here and play the game after sitting out for nearly a year?† I mouth to Micha, a year? Micha shrugs. â€Å"What? You were gone. Why the hell would I want to race?† â€Å"Again, you need to move on without†¦Ã¢â‚¬  I trail off. Mikey will use what I say against Micha, so I have to watch my mouth. â€Å"We want to race Benny.† Mikey's laughter echoes the night. â€Å"You and what army?† I point at Micha's Chevelle parked near the road. â€Å"That army right there.† Mikey shakes his head and shoos us away. â€Å"That thing don't stand a chance against the GTO. Now run along and come back when you got something bigger.† He's testing my control. A lot. â€Å"As opposed to yours?† I retort, getting into Mikey's face. â€Å"Because that thing's all looks and no go.† Micha directs me back by the shoulders and a trace of amusement laces his voice. â€Å"Easy there, tiger. Let's try not to get our asses kicked tonight, okay?† Benny hops off the hood of his car, flicks his cigarette to the ground, and leaves his buddies to join us. â€Å"What's up? Did I hear someone wanted to race me?† Benny's the kind of guy that everyone respects because they're afraid of him. When he was a freshman he got into a fight at school with a senior twice his size and beat him up pretty badly. No one knows what the fight was over or what happened, but it was enough that everyone became cautious of Benny. Mikey points a finger sharply at me. â€Å"Princess right here wants to challenge you to a race in that thing.† Benny's eyes wander to the Chevelle as he cocks his shaven head and crosses his muscular arms. â€Å"Micha, isn't that your car?† Micha pats my back and winks at me. â€Å"Yeah, apparently she's my spokesperson.† Benny deliberates this and then turns to Mikey, who's glaring at me. â€Å"I don't see what the big deal is. I have no problem with Micha racing. In fact, it might be kinda nice to have a challenge for a change.† Benny slaps Mikey on the back kind of hard and then pounds fists with Micha. â€Å"Thanks man,† Micha says with a respective nod. â€Å"Are you and I going to line up first then?† Benny bobs his head up and down, nodding as he stares at the road pensively. â€Å"Yeah man, I think that'd work.† They chat a little bit more about the rules and what not, while Mikey continues to scowl at me like an angry dog. Once they're done talking, Micha and I walk back to the car, while everyone else scatters toward the starting line located right in front of The Hitch. â€Å"So what's your plan?† I ask. â€Å"Because beating him won't be easy.† â€Å"You're my plan.† He opens the passenger door for me. â€Å"With you in the car, there's no way I won't win, otherwise you'll never let me live it down.† Tucking my head into the car, I drop into the seat and then look up at him. â€Å"I won't make your car go any faster.† He grins, slamming the door. â€Å"Sure you will.† He slides across the front of the hood and climbs into the driver's seat. â€Å"You're such a show off,† I remark. He starts up the engine and it thunders to life. â€Å"That's like the pot calling the kettle black.† I slump back in the seat and fold my arms. â€Å"I may have been a lot of things, but I was never a show off.† He hooks a finger under my chin and angles my head toward him. â€Å"Taylor Crepner's graduation party two years ago. You were standing on the roof with a snowboard strapped to your feet, telling everyone you could make the jump. I think that's pretty close to showing off.† I make an innocent face. â€Å"But I did make the jump, didn't I?† â€Å"Yeah, but not without breaking your arm,† he says. â€Å"And that's beside the point.† â€Å"You're right,† I admit, touching the small scar on my arm where the bone broke through the skin. â€Å"I was showing off and you had to drive my dumb ass to the hospital, then sit in the waiting room while I had surgery to put my arm back together.† His finger traces a line down my neck and to my chest bone. â€Å"I was there because I wanted to be.† â€Å"You missed a performance because of me.† â€Å"I don't care – never have.† My gaze involuntarily flicks to his lips. Suddenly, I want to kiss him, like I did that night on the bridge. It makes me uncomfortable because the feeling owns me. I lean away, putting space between us. Sensing my transfer of attitude, he revs up the engine and spins the tires, fishtailing the car to the startup line. He shoots me a smug look, cocking an eyebrow. â€Å"Now that's showing off.† Shaking my head, I restrain a grin. Benny lines up the front of his GTO with Micha's Chevelle and his girlfriend struts up between the two cars. She's wearing jeans and a short t-shirt that shows her stomach. She flips her dark hair off her shoulder and then raises her hands above her head. People line up along the road, watching, and placing bets on the winner. I spot Ethan and Lila toward the front, chatting about something, and Lila is doing her flirty hair flip thing. â€Å"When did they get here?† Micha ignores me, eyeing Benny through his rolled down window. â€Å"To the baseline and back?† Benny's arm is resting casually on top of the steering wheel. â€Å"Yeah, man. First one back wins.† They look away from each other. Benny waves at his girlfriend and she nods her head. â€Å"On your mark. Get set. Go!† Her hands shoot down and screeches cut the air. A trail of dust engulfs us as we race off. The trees on the side of the road are a blur, and the sky is one big streak of stars. I keep silent as Micha shifts the car over and over again, but something inside me awakens from a very deep sleep. Benny pulls ahead and makes a sharp swerve right in front of us. His red tail lights are blinding in the night and his exhaust is puffing out thin clouds of smoke. Micha speeds up, inching the front end toward the rear of the GTO. As we approach the end, Benny pulls farther ahead, but it's not over yet. Micha has a thing for flipping the car around, without decreasing the acceleration. It's scary as hell, but it works every time. Besides with the longer body of Benny's GTO it doesn't have quite the turning power. We reach the end and I should probably be nervous. The road cuts off into a steep, rocky hill and the space to turn around is narrow, but I've never gotten scared, not even now. I guess I can't change what's in my blood. The GTO begins to slant sideways as Benny turns it. Micha veers to the side to get around him and shoots for the open gap between the car and the trees. I grab the handle above my head, the brakes squeal, and I brace my feet up on the dashboard. It's like being on a merry-go-round on crack. Everything spins – the trees, the sky, Micha. For a second, I shut my eyes and it feels like I'm flying. It takes me back to the night on the bridge. She said she could fly. The car straightens out and Micha floors the gas pedal. Like I predicted, Benny is having a harder time lining back up. By the time we're speeding up the road again, he's a small distance behind us. Micha punches the gas and shifts the car into a higher gear. The long front end of the GTO materializes through my window and Micha floors it, shooting me a look that lets me know I can tell him to slow down if I want. I don't. People flee to the side, panicking at our dangerous speed as we rip through the finish line. It isn't clear who the winner is or who's going to be able to get their car to stop in time, before crushing into The Hitch. Brakes shriek and dust swamps the windows. My body is thrown forward with the car's abrupt halt and I smack my head on the dashboard. Micha works to regain control of the wheel and straightens the car as it skids to a stop. Everything settles and the dust slowly clears. Micha and I stare out the windshield, breathing loudly, our eyes as wide as golf balls. The front bumper of the Chevelle is a sliver away from a very large tree. â€Å"Holy shit,† Micha whispers and looks at me, his eyes bulging. â€Å"Are you okay?† I lower my hand from the dashboard, my chest heaving with my breaths. Rubbing the bump on my head, I turn in my seat toward Micha. There is an eerie calm inside me and one of my worst fears becomes a reality. I'm an adrenaline junkie. Plain and simple, but I think it's how I've been all along. I just never admitted. I'm no longer in control. As I incline toward Micha, my heart flutters to life in my chest. My eyes shut and my lips brush his, gently tasting him. It feeds my hunger vaguely and I edge back, letting my eyes open. Micha is looking at me, his eyes pools of blue like the deep spots of the ocean hidden from the world. His hand comes up behind my head and he entices my lips back to his. Something snaps inside me, like a rubber band. With one swift movement, and the aid of my own willingness, Micha lifts me over the console and I straddle his lap, looping my arms around his neck. His hands burrow into my thighs and slip under my skirt onto my bare skin. My breath falters at the intimacy of his touch. No one has ever touched me like this before, without me running away. Usually, being this close to someone sends me into a room packed with self-doubt, panic, distrust, and unfamiliarity. My legs tense and Micha leans back. â€Å"Stay here, baby,† he whispers, like he can read my thoughts. â€Å"Trust me, okay? Don't run.† He waits for me to nod and then crashes his lips into mine, keeping his hands under my skirt. I arch my body into him, pressing my chest against his, and my nipples tingle. His tongue sensually plays with mine, tracing every spot on my mouth and my lips. My body starts to fill with a secret longing. Micha moves his mouth away from mine and my legs tremble in objection. He sucks a path of kisses down my jawline, moving to my neck and residing on my chest right above where my breast curves out of the top of my shirt. It sends a shock through my body and my legs uncontrollably tighten around him, my knees pressing into his sides. He lets out a slow, deep groan and his hand slides higher into my skirt as he guides me closer. I can feel him pressing in between my legs and it scares the shit out of me, but not enough to make me stop. It's like all the sexual tension I ran away from has sprung free all at once. My fingers sneak under the bottom of his shirt and trace along the outline of his lean muscles. I don't know where to stop or how to put the line back up. My mind is racing and I clutch onto his shoulders needing my control back. Someone bangs on the window. â€Å"Are you two having fun in there?† I jump back and my cheeks start to heat at the sight of Ethan and Lila staring at us through the window. In his black tee and jeans, Ethan blends in with the night, but his dark, insinuating smile glows. Lila's eyes are magnified and her jaw is hanging open. Micha does nothing to help the situation. A lazy grin spreads across his face as he watches me through hooded eyes, looking very pleased with himself. The adrenaline washes out of me and leaves a numb feeling in its place. I climb off his lap and straighten my skirt and hair before getting out of the car. I calmly walk around the back of the car and join Ethan and Lila. â€Å"So who won the race?† I ask, smoothing the last of the wrinkles out of my skirt. Ethan smirks at me. â€Å"Is that what you're really thinking about at the moment?† I stare at him blankly. â€Å"What else would I be thinking about?† Micha climbs out of the car, stretching his long legs. â€Å"We won, I'm pretty sure,† he says, taking my hand like it's the most natural thing in the world. â€Å"Although, I'm betting there's an argument going on about it.† Ethan nods agreeably and takes a sip of his soda. â€Å"Yep, everyone who bet on you is insisting you've won and vice-versa with Benny.† Micha interlaces our fingers. â€Å"So the same old, same old.† â€Å"You know how these things go.† Ethan pats Micha's shoulder sympathetically. â€Å"They're never going to come to a decision.† My hand is sweating in Micha's. He just cracked me open and my mind is racing with a billion thoughts. I can't do this with him. I can't crush him. I need to repaint the lines somehow. â€Å"We should just leave,† Micha says to me. â€Å"Let's not even give them the benefit of our argument.† â€Å"You want to drive out of here all suave?† I ask. â€Å"And make a grand exit?† Micha smiles and squeezes my hand. â€Å"A grand statement.† â€Å"Which would be?† â€Å"That we don't give a shit.† I let out a shaky breath and nod. â€Å"That sounds good to me.† â€Å"You want to meet up at the house?† he asks Ethan. â€Å"I'm sure we're going to have to do some tuning up on The Beast after what I just did.† Lila scrunches her nose and pops her gum. â€Å"The beast? Do I even want to know what that is?† Micha taps the car door with his free hand. â€Å"Yep, that's what I named it. Kind of like how you call your car your baby.† Lila laughs. â€Å"Oh, I get it. Although, I like my name better.† Micha traces his thumb along the palm of my hand. â€Å"Are you ready to go? Or do you want to go pick a fight with someone first.† I flash a panicked glance at Lila, who knits her eyebrows. â€Å"Maybe Lila and I should ride together. I haven't spent any time with her today.† â€Å"You've spent time with me every day for the last eight months,† she replies. â€Å"I think we're good for a few hours.† â€Å"I'll take care of her.† Ethan chucks the empty bottle of soda across the parking lot and it lands in the back of his truck. â€Å"Really, really good care of her.† Lila lets her blonde hair fall into her face to hide her blush. I've never seen her blush like that. What exactly have the two of them been up to tonight? Micha shakes his head at Ethan. â€Å"Be good.† Ethan rolls his eyes and then walks off with Lila toward his truck. Micha and I get into his car and I prepare myself to make a speech. Micha squeezes his eyes shut and holds his hand up. â€Å"Don't even say it. Just let it go for the night. Please. I need to just feel this.† The pain in his voice causes me to fasten my jaw shut. Opening his eyes, he starts up the car and we drive down the road. Micha waves to Benny as we pass and everyone's eyes follow us. Then the darkness takes over as we pull out onto the main road and the headlights light up the night like a tunnel that leads to the unknown.